Conjectures
by yamikinoko
Summary: .Hunny. Hunny-senpai refused cake? Sweets? Why? How? Mori has a hunch but so do the rest of the Ouran High School Host Club. Why is our beloved lolishota depriving himself of candy?


**A/N**: _Yes, you're all beginning to wonder if I ever have a life outside of LiveJournal? Well, here's the answer: I DON'T. Mwahahaha!! Fear m3h. Anyways, this is for the contest and also for my flashfic… Hope she doesn't see it and yea._

**Disclaimer**: _I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or there'd be a heck of a lot of molestation reports in the police databanks._

-----

**Conjectures**

It was an electric moment. Nobody and nothing moved, not even Tamaki's usually flapping mouth. The tension lay thick in the air, so dense you could feel it, pressing on your eardrums, clamoring for dominance over the equally impressive silence that reigned supreme. For once it was so quiet you could hear the slight -drip- -drip- -drip- of a leaky faucet and Kyouya made a note to fix that, the scritch of his pen loud in the impeding silence.

Hunny-_senpai_ had just refused cake.

Yes, shocking as it may seem, the sugar-loving loli-shota had indeed refused a pastry. His patrons were dumbfounded.

"B-but, H-Hunny-_senpai_…"

"N-no cake?"

"How about s-some… candy?"

Hunny looked once, just once, longingly at the delicately frosted pastry, then at the brightly wrapped sweets and turned away resolutely, hugging his stuffed pink bunny to him ever more tightly, his lips quivering with determination.

"No thank you. I don't want any."

A true milestone event. It was a widely-held belief that Mitsukuni Haninozuka had never rejected any form of dessert in his all of his eighteen years. No doubt this was an alarming catastrophe.

"Hunny-_senpai_, are you ill??"

"_Tono_, he doesn't look sick at all."

"Then, then, maybe when he was sleeping last night, the _yakuza_ came and kidnapped him, leaving a robot behind in his place! Which would mean that… this isn't Hunny-_senpai_!"

"Tamaki, your deduction process never ceases to amaze me."

"…"

Their in-residence commoner, Haruhi Fujioka, picked up the slice of cake in question inquiringly, "Hunny-_senpai_, is there something wrong with the cake?"

Hunny merely looked away and did not answer.

Though his impassive face never betrayed his thoughts Mori was, in fact, quite perturbed by this latest development. Quite soon, Kyouya noticed some odd behavior on the part of the stoic third-year.

Mori would leave off staring at his diminutive charge to cross the room and look underneath a couch, open the cupboards and peer in there before going back to his spot at Hunny's side before repeating the process with different parts of the room. Soon his activities drew the attention of the other hosts and guests.

"What is Mori-_senpai_ doing?" was the question asked several times over.

Finally, Haruhi walked up to him as he was conducting his investigation behind the bookcase,

"Mori-_senpai_, is something wrong?"

For a moment, it seemed the entire room was holding their breath and straining to hear his answer, and then,

"I'm looking for Mitsukuni…"

Haruhi blinked at him, "But, Hunny-senpai is over there…" she pointed across the room to the unhappily sulking figure hugging Bun-Bun. Realization dawned on her, "You think he's lost because of his strange behavior? I don't think you would be able to find him behind the shelf, Mori-_senpai_," she concluded with her usual lack of tact, all with zero-malice, of course.

And that's when the rest of the club crowded in.

"I knew, I knew it! The _yakuza_ came at night and haunted his dreams and now he's scared of cake! I knew it all along!" Tamaki cried with all the melodrama he could muster.

Kyouya pushed his glasses further up his nose, "Why must it be the _yakuza_ in particular?"

Hikaru glanced at Kaoru, "Maybe he found a bug in his dessert. Did we happen to leave any of our rubber insects lying around?"

Kaoru shrugged expressively, "I really don't think so."

More theories were spun, losing lucidity with every revolution.

"Aliens came down from outer space and sucked out his brains!"

"Maybe one of our rubber tarantulas found its way into his cake…"

"Good point; I couldn't find Michi anywhere!"

"…You named a piece of rubber?"

"Hey! Michi has a lot of character!"

"Yea, we like tot think that he does a cheesy supervillain cackle before he gobbles down the rubber grasshoppers."

"…Pray tell, what grade are you two in again?"

Meanwhile, Hunny's patrons were in a state of utmost torment. Their beloved Lolita looked absolutely miserable and he wouldn't tell even them why! Before long, one of them burst out to several acclamations of agreement,

"Oh, Hunny-_senpai_! I don't know what's troubling you, but I want you to know that I'm here for you!"

"Yes, yes! So am I!"

"And me too!"

Mori turned to survey the new disturbance within the room and in the process accidentally knocked a book bag off the nearby coffee table.

Haruhi waved her hand at him when he bent to pick up the scattered books and papers, "It's alright; I'll get it." She gathered the books and was stacking the loose papers into a pile when she noted the heading on one of the documents. She scanned it over quickly and sighed, standing.

"What is it, Haruhi?" Kyouya asked immediately, sensing that there was something special about those particular papers.

Haruhi held out the article, "I've just discovered why Hunny-_senpai_ won't eat cake."

Once again they all crowded around.

" 'The Secrets of the Cake-Making Business Revealed'…?" Hikaru read aloud in disbelief.

" 'The heinous reality that will stun the world'," Kaoru continued, " 'we bring you the shocking truth: cakes nowadays… are chiefly made from bunny fat!'"

There was a brief moment of silence, then,

"It is…?"

"Really, Tamaki, what do you think?"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA, THAT'S THE LAMEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD!!"

"B-B-B-BUNNY FAT! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, NO MORE, NO MORE!!"

Haruhi rescued the papers and turned to the other page for Mori's benefit, "And it says here that 'candy companies are funding their enterprises entirely upon forced bunny labor.' So that might be why Hunny-senpai doesn't want cake or sweets. Honestly, who would believe this but a rich person who's never made a cake before?"

Mori took the pages silently, reading them over and when he looked up, Haruhi was gone, already heading towards Hunny's designated area.

"Hunny-_senpai_, why won't you have some cake?" she asked, straight and to the point.

Hunny pressed his lips together and wouldn't answer.

Haruhi picked up a plate of strawberry cake and held it up, "Hunny-_senpai_, no one would ever put bunny fat in cake. It wouldn't be sweet at all, then.

Hunny's large eyes filled with hopeful tears, "They wouldn't?"

"No more than companies would use forced bunny labor to make their candy."

Hunny looked a bit decisive then and hugged Bun-Bun still tighter.

"Mitsukuni, you could always try making cake yourself to find out," Mori suggest quietly as he walked up beside Haruhi.

"Takashi…" Hunny considered it, "But I don't know how…" He gave a little sniff and his fans nearly died on the spot.

Haruhi set the plate back onto the coffee table, "I could help you. Would you like to do it right now?"

Hunny blinked, then beamed, "Yes! Thank you, Haru-chan!"

"I want to try," Hikaru and Kaoru chorused as they popped up, no long rolling on the floor laughing.

"A most educating venture."

"Haruhi!! Daddy wants to learn too!"

"Oh, please do let us help!" Hunny's patrons pleaded.

It was going to be one tiring day in the kitchen…

"Alright…" she said with a sigh.

What followed was an entirely too gleeful stampede towards the kitchen, inexorably sweeping her along.

Someone cleared his throat and she looked up to see Mori beside her,

"I would… like to learn… how to make cake as well," he said, almost too quietly for her to hear above the noise of the crowd.

Haruhi blinked, then smiled, "It's not that hard, really."

A flour fight (courtesy of Hikaru and Kaoru), several broken eggs, and a general mess in the kitchen later, one sugar-stuffed Hunny was going to sleep. Haruhi draped a blanket over his curled-up form under Mori's watchful gaze.

"Where does he pack away all that candy?" she wondered aloud, half to herself,

"In any case, he's back to normal," she smiled up at him, "We got him back. We found him. And he wasn't behind a bookshelf, was he?"

./OWARI;

-----

**A/N**: _It's short. I am ashamed. Butcher me, please. Ouch in advance (even though I never get any murdering!!)._

-MshRm


End file.
